so this morning, i...
...had absolutely wretched dreams. i need a baby elephant!
the first one chronicled an absolutely ludicrous physical assault on a carful of people: my girlfriend, her best friend and her best friend's sister...well had her sister's name, but didn't look like her. and me. we were in this weird convertable.
my girlfriend is always telling me "don't start something!" like... ya know don't aggrevate people on the streets or whatever. that makes me sound a lot tougher than i really am. anyway but in this dream we were all being accosted in this mentally troublesome way, in a physical way...so i tried to stand up for my friends but it made everything worse.
i woke up at 6:30 from the dream...ya know in a cheesy movie (virtually every movie, even if it's outstanding, has this flaw) where somebody sits up in bed all sweaty from a bad dream?
well that sort of happened. i didn't sit up, in fact i had trouble opening my eyes (i think tears had adhered them shut), but my heart was beating so rapidly and with such fervor that i really thought it would cease to function.
needless to say i didn't want to go back to sleep. most nights i have bad dreams and a lot of the time i can shake it off, but this really stuck with me.
i tried to stay awake but i was so damn tired (went to bed at like 3) that i couldn't help, despite my best efforts, but to return to my own invented hell.
the second dream was also about an attack, but this time it was personal, about my character and demeanor. the folks who were overtly critical are actually two friends of mine--my pal whom i've known for years and her mother, whom i used to also be very close to (she moved back to rural ontario and is now in australia, so needless to say i've rather lost touch with her).
my late mother's best friend was also in the dream, and although she didn't assist in the argument, i mean she didn't take sides, she played her usual analytical role. she's a person who can often be very insightful and takes an interest in the many layers of meaning that can exist at any given point.
in defence of the anti-praise from these two friends, i said "my mother raised me well" or something, and my mum's friend, let's call her 'J,' said, "she didn't raise you. you raised yourself." or something.
anyway it was totally fucked up and after that dream, which had many more irrelevant points (including something about my rhythm guitar player and a girl i know from metal shows and some very strange photos which i won't go into), i didn't go back to sleep. i kind of puttered around in bed and got up.
so now i'm sitting here wondering what the hell it all means.
the weird part about the second dream was that i'm sure i've dreamt parts of it before. i tend to have recurring dreams... like parts of them are recurring. they tend to pick up where i left off sometime ago. this thing about my friend and her mother bashing me was too familliar, and that scares me.
i have trouble differentiating dreams and "reality," so now i'm worried that my dream was actually based on something that happened in my waking life. i'll have to ask her. i actually had a really long, awesome conversation with her a few hours before i went to bed. maybe that had some relevance, i don't know..
excuse any spelling mistakes. i'm in a rush.
good bye
the first one chronicled an absolutely ludicrous physical assault on a carful of people: my girlfriend, her best friend and her best friend's sister...well had her sister's name, but didn't look like her. and me. we were in this weird convertable.
my girlfriend is always telling me "don't start something!" like... ya know don't aggrevate people on the streets or whatever. that makes me sound a lot tougher than i really am. anyway but in this dream we were all being accosted in this mentally troublesome way, in a physical way...so i tried to stand up for my friends but it made everything worse.
i woke up at 6:30 from the dream...ya know in a cheesy movie (virtually every movie, even if it's outstanding, has this flaw) where somebody sits up in bed all sweaty from a bad dream?
well that sort of happened. i didn't sit up, in fact i had trouble opening my eyes (i think tears had adhered them shut), but my heart was beating so rapidly and with such fervor that i really thought it would cease to function.
needless to say i didn't want to go back to sleep. most nights i have bad dreams and a lot of the time i can shake it off, but this really stuck with me.
i tried to stay awake but i was so damn tired (went to bed at like 3) that i couldn't help, despite my best efforts, but to return to my own invented hell.
the second dream was also about an attack, but this time it was personal, about my character and demeanor. the folks who were overtly critical are actually two friends of mine--my pal whom i've known for years and her mother, whom i used to also be very close to (she moved back to rural ontario and is now in australia, so needless to say i've rather lost touch with her).
my late mother's best friend was also in the dream, and although she didn't assist in the argument, i mean she didn't take sides, she played her usual analytical role. she's a person who can often be very insightful and takes an interest in the many layers of meaning that can exist at any given point.
in defence of the anti-praise from these two friends, i said "my mother raised me well" or something, and my mum's friend, let's call her 'J,' said, "she didn't raise you. you raised yourself." or something.
anyway it was totally fucked up and after that dream, which had many more irrelevant points (including something about my rhythm guitar player and a girl i know from metal shows and some very strange photos which i won't go into), i didn't go back to sleep. i kind of puttered around in bed and got up.
so now i'm sitting here wondering what the hell it all means.
the weird part about the second dream was that i'm sure i've dreamt parts of it before. i tend to have recurring dreams... like parts of them are recurring. they tend to pick up where i left off sometime ago. this thing about my friend and her mother bashing me was too familliar, and that scares me.
i have trouble differentiating dreams and "reality," so now i'm worried that my dream was actually based on something that happened in my waking life. i'll have to ask her. i actually had a really long, awesome conversation with her a few hours before i went to bed. maybe that had some relevance, i don't know..
excuse any spelling mistakes. i'm in a rush.
good bye
posted by iron thunder at 8:55 AM
1 Comments:
Dreams, well I am here for you on this one. Just two nights ago I had recurring dreams...or just parts...a bunch of partially recurring dreams all put together.
I don't know Clare, time to get unstuck from the world of dreams! 24 isn't bad at all, whole life ahead of you. Once things start rolling you'll feel better. I have been in a similar position...just have to get something going that makes you feel proud and has a future. The music is a great start and possibly an ending in itself. You need just one more thing, come to George Brown baby, we'll do classes together.
Once you start rolling (like the Limp Bizkit song) you won't stop.
PS, I emailed Sven from Wizard to get a promo of their new album...sound bits are wicked!!! They called the album Goochan. Isn't that fucking retarded? Anyhow, music is good!
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